A Star Trek Christmas (A Christmas Adventure)

‘Twas the night before Christmas
Throughout the great ship,
The Third-watch was stirring---
Control panels lit.

The crews socks were hung
By Picard’s “Ready Room”
In hopes that old Santa would
Come by real soon.

Most of the crew were all
Snug in their beds
While visions of “Tribble” pets
Danced in their heads.

And Worf, in his sash
And I In my tights
Had just settled down
For some “cat-naps” that night.

When out on the hull
There arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bunk
To see what was the matter.

Away , toward the porthole
I flew like a flash,
Tripping over Worf’s trousers
And fell with a crash!

The World, on the breast
Of the saucer outside
Gave the luster of “Earth-glow,”
A beautiful sight.

When, what to my wondering
Eyes should appear,
But a miniature shuttle
Drawn by something real queer!

With a skinny, bald driver,
Shiny head like a star,
It looked for a moment
Like Jean Luc Picard.

More rapid than Klingons
His courser, it came,
He barked out some orders
And called it by name-

On DATA! No matter
How funny this looks,
We’ll fly like a comet;
Break all record books!

To the top of the saucer,
Past both “Warp Nacells
Now dash away DATA!
You’re doing real well!

A sickness began
While watching them move.
With dizzying speed,
‘Round the saucer they flew.

So up to the ship-top
The shuttle, it flew
With DATA in front
Pulling ST. Picard too.

And then, in a twinkling,
They flew out of sight,
Toward the stern of the ship
The shuttle took flight.

As I drew back my head
And was turning around,
I collided with Worf
And fell with a bound.

“What’s the matter?” he said,
“What are you looking for?”
As I got to my knees
To get off of the floor.

“Oh I saw something strange
As I looked out tonight.
But it’s no longer there-
It’s gone out of sight.”

“Don’t worry,” he said,
“I forgot, you’re new here,
Picard plays our Santa Clause
Year, after year.”

“He dresses in fur
From his head to his foot,
Wipes the sleeves of his garment
With ashes and soot.”

“A bag full of gadgets
He flings on his back,
And he looks like a Mugato
About to attack.”

I laughed and I laughed,
From what he told me,
I knew it was something
I just had to see.

I peeked in the hall
Through a crack in the door.
Sure enough, there he was
With his pack on the floor.

His head , in the bag
Was a real funny sight
As he filled up our stockings
We’d hung out that night.

A Stogie cigar
He held tight in his teeth.
And he made his way down
To the door nearest me.

He had a thin face
And a little fake belly
that shook, when he laughed
Like a bowl full of jelly.

He was lanky and long,
A right funny old elf.
I laughed when I saw him
In spite of myself.

He spoke not a word
But went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings;
Then turned with a jerk.

And laying his finger
Upon his left breast,
He spoke a few words
Which I heard, more or less.

I heard him say “DATA!
Transporter! Engage!”
And then he was gone-
What an exit he made!

He sprang to his ship,
At the android, he whistled,
And away, they both flew
Like a real funny missile.

But I heard him exclaim
(And I tell you no lies),
“Happy Christmas to all
‘Board Starship Enterprise